Who built the ark ?
Noah. No ? er...?
Who built the ark ?..
Noah's brother built the ark.
But Noah's brother was a wally.
It's safe to say he was off his trolley.
He'd spend each day locked in his shed,
Constructing ideas that entered his head:
He built a box, (which you couldn't open),
Coal fire engines (but you couldn't stoke 'em),
a rocking chair (that tipped too far),
a rocket too (but that didn't go far).
One night, however, whilst he was sleepin'
He saw an image that was worth keepin':
A boat as big as the QE2 -
with a house on top.. no ! Make that a zoo !
A floating zoo – now what an idea !
‘That'll earn respect from the folks round here’.
He was so excited, he jumped out of bed,
and spent the rest of the night locked in his shed.
When morning came he invented the phone
so he could call up old Noah (who lived all alone)
'Noah,' he said, 'get yourself round here,
come see my creation, then I'll buy you a beer.'
'What the hell is it ?' enquired old Noah.
'If only I’d a wife, I'd love to show her
This thing is so big, you must be having a lark !?'
'I'm not,' said his brother, 'I call this an "ark"'.
Who built the ark ?
Noah ? No ! Er...?
Who built the ark ?..
Noah's brother built the ark.
Well because of the ark, Noah had to admit,
he now had a brother who was a world famous twit.
And of course, it happened, one fateful Tuesday,
That three men in white coats took Noah's brother away.
Where ever Noah went, people would laugh -
'Noah !' they'd shout, 'why's your brother so daft !?'
Noah would walk by, pretend not to hear,
though inside he was hurting, he’d shed not a tear
Who built the ark ?
Noah ? No. Er...?
Who built the ark ?..
Noah's brother built the ark.
One night, Noah, arranged to meet,
In the Lamb & Thicket, in New Writtle Street,
an old school friend, a chap called Moses;
a “best selling” author (or so he supposes !)
As the two of them sat, and sipped at their beer,
Noah turned to his mate, and said, 'now look here,
I don't my children to find out at school
that their Uncle was potty, and a bit of a fool.'
You can't change what has happened,' said his old school pal,
'But you can re-write history, and I'll tell you how,
I'm writing a novel, called Genesis,
and I'll add a new chapter that'll explain all this.'
Noah wasn't convinced. 'Are you sure it'll work ?
I mean, what kind of story could save such a jerk ?'
'Trust me !' said Moses, 'I'll save your old brother !'
Then he downed his pint and said, 'fancy another ?'
Who built the ark ?
Noah ? No. Er...?
Who built the ark ?..
Noah's brother built the ark.
The book, so I'm told, was a total smash hit,
Most people don't realise, that Moses wrote it.
Published in every language that's ever been spoke,
(He wrote a sequal called Exodus, what a clever old bloke!)
The Good guys, the bad guys, a problem, a flood,
A fast moving plot; not stuck in the mud,
Yes, folks it's true, it has everything
It's a first class example of Creative Writing
The moral of this story, that deserves a quick mention;
when you write your first story, be sure to label it fiction,
and one more thing, so we're not in the dark,
no matter what you hear, Noah's brother built the ark.
Re-written Thursday, 19 May 2005